I'm not doom-and-gloom all the time. Not every single minute at least. I do sleep sometimes.

I crocheted a baby blanket recently. It was much faster than knitting one. And I barely finished it in time for the baby shower. I was putting a border on it, and it just wasn't looking quite right (not enough color on the edge for the size of the blanket meant it's visually not heavy enough to support the blanket). I had to ask D to tell me it was ok to stop and just call it finished. I had a deep sense of shame about bringing it to the shower, since all I could see were the flaws. At least I'd caught and ripped back to fix any stitch errors I'd made. There were a couple of late nights where I crocheted the same two rows about four times because I'd made an error early in one and didn't find it until the end of the next one. The edging was just too plain compared to the simple one-color shell pattern. Even though I'd followed a pattern, the number of rows made it come out as to rectangle and not a square, which seriously freaked me out. I didn't even notice the shape because I was so focused on finishing the required row-count by the deadline. By the morning of the party I seriously wanted to throw it in a trash bag and run out and buy something really quickly on the way there, but I gritted my teeth, sprayed it with lavender spray, put it in a gift bag and took it with me, with the goal of keeping my mouth shut. (Ok, I did brag a little when the mom-to-be mentioned that the blanket was the only gift in her favorite colors. I'd asked her months ago what colors she might like, in case knitting happened.)

It was kind of torture, watching a nearly endless parade of beautiful, thoughtful (mostly) store-bought gifts: toys, tiny delicate clothes, a variety of diaper creams, and one beautiful hand-made quilt that looked like it should be hanging up in a gallery. And my blanket was one of the few items that was handed around because people wanted to touch it and see it up close. And I gritted my teeth and said as little as possible. Because the voice in my head couldn't shut up about tiny things that no-one else was going to be rude enough to point out, even if they did notice. "It's machine-washable," I said, with what I think must have been one of those pained half smile, half fear expressions on my face.

I made something this evening as well. I've been kind of feeling like my feet are ashy and need some sort of care to make them more presentable (I don't know to whom because I seldom leave the house in anything but sneakers). A few weeks ago a Listerine foot soak was all the rage, so I looked that up to see if I had the ingredients. One page had a Listerine and sugar foot scrub instead, which kind of blew my mind. I'm never ever going to take the time to set up a foot soak for myself, because of the sheer amount of crap I would have to move around, scrub, and then get all messy with the soaking just to have to clean it all again and then put away ... it makes me tired just imagining it. I don't feel like I'm worth that kind of effort. But using a scrub, that can be done in the shower, and I take showers.

The page I looked at had a bunch of sugar scrubs, but I feel guilty about using food in a way that it wouldn't be eaten. But there was a quickie coconut oil and salt recipe which caught my eye. One, salt is a mineral, and super cheap at that, and two, I have coconut oil already purchased specifically for skin purposes (plus some essential oil we keep for soap-making purposes). D had cued me to go make myself some dinner (I'd been watching him play Dragon Age for much of the late afternoon). I got up and pulled nibbles that resemble dinner out of the fridge, and then kept right on going with pulling the scrub ingredients out of the cupboards too.

A half a cup of salt,
some baking soda (because it's a finer grit and people use it for soaking their feet in too, so why not),
three tablespoons of coconut oil,
four drops of peppermint oil.

Stir until thoroughly combined. Place in container. Rub all over your wet feet then rinse thoroughly with water.

After mixing it up I tried it on my hands and it was pretty nice, so I put the lid on and took it upstairs to the shower after showing it to D so he'd know what it was (and more importantly, that he'd know not to throw it out). Then I finished fixing my dinner of carrot chips, roasted unsalted cashews, and the tub of pine nut hummus. There was supposed to be some of the prepared chicken pieces I'd gotten at the weird F&E market, but I'd gotten thoroughly distracted by the scrub making.

So, sometimes I make things, when circumstances align just right. Mostly for other people but sometimes for myself too.
jkusters: (Default)

From: [personal profile] jkusters

Kudos on recognizing the good stuff going on, and not giving in to the drive to dismiss it. I know that can be challenging... *guilty look*


univacgrl: (Default)
Cyrano de Univac

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