For two nights running I've had nightmares of dark water sweeping away a house containing someone I care about.. The first was a creek flooding and undermining the foundation of my grandmother's old house while she was inside.  The rising water had already taken the garage and was threatening to tip the house into the creekbed, destroying it. And I couldn't go back in for my grandmother, because it wasn't safe. (Why do you have to be so fucking literal, brain?  I haven't been back to my grandmother's house since before my father sold it, because different people own it and there are more houses built on the fields she fought to keep from being built on.  She's gone and it doesn't feel safe for me to go back, even to look. I get it.)

The second was Benedict Cumberbatch being filmed for a Japanese game show in a nearby artificial town being deliberately flooded for television.  It turned out the water they used was untreated sewage and I spent a good portion of the dream trying to get to him to warn him that he was going to get pink-eye if he didn't get out of the water and cleaned off before he rubbed his eyes.  He asked if I wanted a picture with him when I ran up to him, and I had to refuse because he needed know why he had to get cleaned up right away (plus ew, raw sewage).  So, possible moral of the story from my literal brain: even my heroes are human beings, meatbags full of shit and piss and other disgusting bits, and also, most of the time the things one sees on television aren't real. Do I get it? Maybe.

Day 3

Today there was only one item.  I know I'm not going to be super aggro about picking stuff out to get rid of every day, because some (most) days I'm pretty tired from generally being depressed all the time and holding down a job and being the kindest fucking dogsbody in that office.  And today I had to psyche myself up to make the Mother's Day call (which I at least got through rather early).  I got Nice Mom this time, which was lots better than Passive Aggressive Mom, Bitchy Mom, Belittling Mom, Resentful Mom, or any of the others it's possible to get dealt out of the deck. Today's item going out of my life was a nice Mary Kay hand care kit to make one's hands super soft and smooth, hand scrub, overnight moisturizer cream (there used to be some gloves to keep the overnight stuff off your bed sheets in it too) and everyday hand cream, given to me by my girlfriend. I used it twice like five or six years ago, both times when I was knitting with really soft yarn because I didn't want the fibers to get caught on my rough hands.  And it was weird. But I use my hands too much for them to ever be that soft, or "nice".  I guess it's one of those self-care things that I can't bring myself to do because I don't see the value in doing it for myself, even if it just made my hands moderately nicer, just for me, and just for a little while.  So into the trash the stuff went, and I scrubbed off the zippered pouch to put it into the Go-Away Box.  

The remainder of the day was watching the accumulated stuff on the TiVo, and after D came home from his meeting we watched The Avengers that it had caught (Yes, I do have a Hiddleston "tape everything" wishlist on it, which is why I still have the episode of the Late Late Show where he's holding a baby cloud leopard.  Strictly as a unicorn chaser [and it's a rainbow colored unicorn farting glitter across the night sky], I might need to watch it again someday.)  I almost got to take a nap on the living room floor while D was playing Fallout 4 (with headphones on because all the shooting noise makes me twitchy after a very short while [Thanks PTSD!]) but he woke me up thinking I was sleeping on my bad arm (I wasn't, but he couldn't see from his spot on the sofa).  

So it's been a somewhat unproductive Sunday, but I nearly got to nap.  Perhaps it's better that I didn't, given my propensity for nightmares lately.


univacgrl: (Default)
Cyrano de Univac


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